My Husband vs. Chuck Norris.

Class, lets have a lesson in comparison!

No one loves Chuck more than Chad. So, lets compare...




When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down

When my husband walks in the door he immediatly leaves his socks and pants on the floor in the entryway.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

When we moved, I didn't unpack Chads bathroom stuff (including his deoderant)....so, rather than look for it or ask...he opted to not wear deoderant for a week.

The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.


My husbands car smells like ass.

The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

The First rule of Chad is: Beer now, talk later.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

One Year Chad forgot: my birthday, Valentines day, Mothers Day and our anniversary...yeah.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

My husband falls asleep playing Mafia Wars on Facebook everynight...

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the f*** Chuck Norris is.

When Chad says "I will take care of the dishes Babe" what he really means is "I will make sure they don't go anywhere and I will add a few empty beer bottles to the mix"

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chads favorite excuse is "I don't remember"

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.

Chad once went to the store for a 98 cent bottle of water and ended up spending $30 on a variety of crackers.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

Chad thinks I have a tracking device in my uterus, since he can't look for anything himself...